Screaming Epiphany

In our 2nd week of transitioning from diapers to underwear, Gerren has shown me a new flavor of screaming (i.e. communication). Yesterday it happened while she sat on a swing and in the middle of the night. It has seemed to be about something that makes no sense. "I want a cookie!!!" at 5am. "UNDERDOG!!" on the swing, when I've just given her my highest push.

With each of these episodes I listened to Gerren. I empathized. And after some seconds, out of her mouth she'd yell, "I NEED TO GO POTTY!!".

For Crying Out Loud!, the project I began when Gerren was 14 months has come full circle. When I created it, I envisioned the world full of people being empathic with screaming children. I envisioned parents placing tantrums into the same category as peeing; a human expression and a necessary outlet for child wellness.

A few months into Project For Crying Out Loud, I realized that when Gerren cried I distracted her with one of two things: food or activity. "Do you want some raisins?" "C'mon honey, let's go for a walk". Unaware, I was teaching her to disconnect from her emotions.

I came to understand what I was teaching her after it hit me one day. In a very angry moment, I found myself, standing in front of the open fridge searching for something to devour. Then, I made the connection to cleaning the house at mock speeds when I'm angry. Eating and activity were MY learned ways of disconnecting from emotion.

After several episodes of what seemed to be odd upsets, my subsequent empathy, and ultimately "I NEED TO GO POTTY", the epiphany landed on my forehead.

When she was a baby, trying to tell me she had to go potty with her cries*, I misinterpreted her communication and offered food or activity. Her brain developed the association of needing to go potty, with receiving food or activity. So, it makes sense that she would ask for food or activity when she just needs to pee.

NOW when she screams for what seem to be unusual reasons, I gently pick her up and head toward the bathroom.

It's a reminder to me that when I think I know, at times I really have no idea what Gerren's experiencing. She's one of the most articulate 2 year-olds I know, and yet to be fully understood, she requires the room to express herself fully (i.e. without distraction or punishment). The end result is always connection. Simply connected....that's us.

* Elimination communication resources report that babies cry to communicate the need to eliminate.

Diaper Drama 2: The first week

Gerren took on the no-diapers like a professional. Granted, there were moments of "I want a diaper". An empathic "ahhh we don't have any" was all she needed to stay with the new practice of wearing underwear and peeing in the toilet. Acknowledging her generosity to the earth, "mother nature is so happy" brings a smile too.

It's been one week and Gerren has mastered most aspects of life without diapers. She awakens dry, she tells me she needs to go when we're not at home, & she uses the toilet when she's with other people.

Today while peeing outside, she learned that widening her legs and standing vertical, risks peeing down her leg and into her shoe. Squatting will be our next practice :)

And then there's pooping. Letting the poop out has been a challenge. This was the case even with diapers. Yesterday, after the third pair of streaked underwear, we talked about it.

Mom: I'm not sure why, but it seems like you don't want to let the poop out.

Gerren: (Listening)

Mom: There are times I can tell the poop wants to come out. Like when you say, "I hurt" or "I'm tired" and you walk like this (hunched over waddle)

Gerren: (Listening)

Mom: It looks uncomfortable and then you don't like it when we have to clean your bottom.

Do you want to have a breakthrough?

Gerren: Nods yes

Mom: Alright! Would it be ok, if when I see the poop wants to come out, I pick you up and say, "let's go sit on the toilet".

Gerren: Nods yes

Today we implemented the plan. After 3 books, Gerren stripping off all her clothes, requesting to get in the bath, and trying to leaving the bathroom a few times, she delivered poop.

I matched her excitement about it with my outward "you pooped in the toilet" and inside I celebrated wildly.

This, paired with my slacks bursting to expose my left butt cheek at playgroup, made Friday with the Gilbert's, a day to remember.