New Beginning

Today I write inspired by an extraordinary new partnership.  I'd tell you it's a partnership with God, but I understand that you may not want to read much further because when I say God, you hear a )%*!-up version of God in your mind.

How can I say such a thing?!?

I can say such a thing, because until 4 weeks ago, I had a *&$#!-up version of God in my head.  My version said we're all sinners, with the threat of punishment looming, and if we don't repent, then we could end up in hell.   That is not God.

What's my intention in writing today?  To share the process of simply connecting with my highest Self.   Simple yes. Easy no.

Since 2003 when I discovered that what I'd made up about myself, others, and life was not the truth, I've been seeking.  The way I said it last month was, "I'm seeking what resonates with my heart".    I've learned much in the last 12 years of experiential learning through ontology (the science of being), emotional intelligence training, somatic discovery (I.e joyful moment) and more.

Four weeks ago, an unexpected grieving experience set the stage for healing I didn't even know I needed.  I had a new person in my life who I admired for his commitments and quickly began to see a future with him. After six days of new love he became completely unavailable for two weeks...uncertain if I would be part of his life thereafter.

I had no idea the emotional triggers this would pull.

What looked like a grieving experience about him, became a grieving experience that healed my former two marriages, healed a life lived from a little-girl perspective that she couldn't have what she wanted. And the most impactful....by looking at the grief (and not running to affection  from another man, or stuffing my face with food, or distracting myself with being busy), I got to complete what I had made God mean as a child.  I had created a separation from divine wisdom when I was taken by the messages of love, peace, and anything being possible....yet didn't see anyone around me living it.

Yay for completing the past!

Two weeks ago, I went from wanting a relationship with a man, to feeling the most loved and partnered in my life....without a man.   Since that shift I have looked into the crevices of my life and been deep cleaning.  I've released commitments that are not aligned with this phase of the journey.  I've released myself from obligation to communicate with people out of my tendency to be nice.   I've been present with myself, my daughter, and people I encounter, in a way I can never remember being.

I AM love. This is the beginning of a journey to create beyond ordinary, in partnership with a Higher Intelligence, for something greater than I can envision now.

I love you.  I bless you.  Stay tuned if you feel to.