Charter of a Simply Connected Mom

I am a child

I love children

Children love me

Play is my work

I play to get everyone's needs met

I jump, swing, giggle, run, yell

I empower unity, connection, peace

I make room for crying, tantrums, rage

I listen

I see the goodness in each child

I love mother nature

I compost

I offer organic whole food

I'm kind to bugs

I see a future where all children are treated with respect and all parents get what they need

What's Our Motto Mom?

At 2 1/2 Gerren seems to have the "toddler property laws" down.
1) If I touch it it's mine
2) If I look at it's mine
3) If I leave anything I've looked at or touched it's still mine

When we're in public, this looks like, as in yesterday's case, a screaming, writhing toddler in my arms as another child passed in the grocery store with a child-sized shopping cart.

To help her develop a mindset of abundance I've begun sharing:
" Our motto is: There's enough for everyone".

A few days back when we were with friends having a snack, she said:
"What's our motto mom?"

I replied. "Hmmm, What's our motto Gerren?"

To which she responded: "There's enough for everyone".

She understands, but knowing a concept and living it are two very different things. Stay tuned.

Jolting Presence

The swimming area at the lake was packed with families & adolescent youth. I gently pulled Gerren along in the water. She was surrounded by a fish-shaped flotation toy and followed by a friend. Our train moved slowly.

Without warning she screamed in the highest pitch, longest duration and intensity I have ever heard in her 2 & 1/2 years of life.

All activity stopped, every eye was on us. "She's ok!" I yelled. "That was delight!" I added. The crowd laughed and continued playing.

The reaction that caused everyone to stop was the same reaction I felt in my body as she screamed. Tension, worry. Then there was the parental reaction "oh, that's too loud, you'll disturb people".

Looking at her I saw pure joy. Being present to her, to all my senses, & to the concern of the group, turned a potentially stressful situation into a playful moment.

Mindfulness for Children

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”
-Jon Kabat-Zinn

Gerren often experiences anxiety with new people, situations, and places. Her expression of the anxiety is a loud and clear "NO!!!" directed at the closest person, animal or bug that moves or makes a sound. I have internal reactions of anger and embarrassment that make me want to stop her when she speaks to other people or beloved pets that way. My mindfulness practices have helped me to see my intentions are to help her maintain the freedom to express herself and understand personal responsibility when this occurs. We have found one solution to be covering her ears. At age 2 1/2 she understands this clearly. Evidence of the difference that skill is making for her: Yesterday as she napped in the car a train blew it's horn. Expecting an upset response I looked in the rearview mirror to see a sleeping child with one ear pressed against the car seat and one ear covered with her small hand. She has begun to show increased confidence in situations when she realizes covering her ears are an option....like the night we were seated outdoors at a busy restaurant. Without hesitation she covered her ears, frowned, and turned to face the table of folks behind us who were being fully expressed speaking loudly. Mindfulness, the no-judgment part, worked best for me in that moment.

hard future for 11 with unmet needs

Today I met a mother at the park. She is 32 years old and expecting her 9th child. She was there with 4 of her children. Her husband yelled at and threatened the children with a switch from the parking lot. I asked the mother, "Does he use that on the children?" She replied, "oh yes, we woop them all the time otherwise they'd run all over you". I swallowed hard and listened. She was doing the best she knew to do. My mind was yelling, "I've got to say something,....what do I do?"

In the end, what I did was give her my card, invite her to call me sometime, and waved goodbye to her and her family as they left.

No one in that home is getting their needs met. It began with the parents not getting their needs met as children.

Just like all the other times I've observed angry adults with children, I ran scripts of what I could have said through my head. From pleading to demanding, nothing seemed like it would cause peace for that man and his children. Nothing short of a team of committed and loving people who have been trained to listen, listen and love. And in that moment.... nothing short of a loving statement "Dear man, do not speak that way toward your children. For you are speaking to you..... and you deserve to be spoken to with love and honor."

two 1/2 years old

Let me count the times I got to connect today with my bold toddler.

There was the moment she hit another child with her residual anger from not getting to chew on the cellphone.

There was the screaming episode that was really a request for sleep. She was out within 5 minutes.

There was the 156th time this month that she didn't want to get in the car when we needed to leave.

The "I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME" declaration.

And the 6 times she got out of bed after we said good night....finally closing her eyes at 10:11pm.

Thank you God for all those opportunities to practice love.